Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
by Tim Fortune
Summary: Rated T for Language. After losing a bet with Valjean, Javert has to perform a humilating song. Later, he is joined by Erik, who also lost a bet. At the end, to make sure no one remembers it, Erik does something drastic. One-shot.


Tim Fortune

Presents

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

A/N: One shot. Should be funny.

DC: I don't own Javert, he belongs to Victor Hugo and Boubil and Schonberg. Also, neither do I own the song that appears in this story.

Backstage:

Javert: Do I have to do this?

Thenardier: Yep.

Javert: Really?

Cosette: You knew what would happen when you agreed.

Javert: In retrospect, I shouldn't have tooken 24601 on this wager.

Valjean: (walking up) Too bad. You knew the rules. If…

Javert: (continuing) one of us couldn't eat the most Bacon Double Cheeseburgers in 10 minutes, he'd have to go out on stage, in costume and perform…

Valjean: That's right. So get hopping Skippy!

Javert: (walking out on stage) Curse 24601 and his huge appetite!

Onstage:

Javert: (shielding his eyes from the bright spotlight) Um. Bonjour everyone. I'm…Inspector Javert and…I'm here to sing… (Bites lip) _Always Look on the Bright Side of Life_ from Monty Python's _Spamalot_, while wearing this ridiculous outfit. (He spreads his arms to reveal he's wearing a bright yellow suit covered in smiley faces) (Under breath) How I hate 24601. (A piano begins to play the opening notes to _Always Look on the Bright Side of Life_)

Javert: Um, (weakly) _Some things in life are bad._

_They can really make you mad._

_Other things just make you swear and curse._

_When you're chewing…on life's…gristle._

_Don't…grumble, give a whistle._

_And this will help things turn out for the best._

_And…._ (Weaker than earlier)

_Always Look on the Bright Side of Life?_

(Gives a very, very poor whistle)

_Always look on the bright side of life._

(Even poorer one)

_If…life seems jolly? Rotten_

_There's something you forgotten._

_And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing?_

_When you are feeling in the…dumps?_

_Don't be silly chumps?_

_Just purse your lips together_

_That's the thing_

_And… _(Slightly stronger. He's still not into it yet)

_Always…look…on the bright…side of…life._

(Better whistle than earlier)

_Always look on the bright side of life!_

(Best whistle yet)

(All of a sudden, Erik comes on wearing the same outfit. The music stops)

Javert: Erik? What are you doing here? I haven't seen you since last years Tony's?

Erik: Next time you play horseshoes against the Fop, make a monetary bet. Please. (To piano player.) Let's get this over with. (Piano begins where Javert left off.)

Erik: _For life is quite absurd and Deaths the final word._

Javert: _You must always face the curtain with a bow._

Together: _Forget about your sin, give the audience a grin! _(They are both fully into it, so they point to the audience at that part.)

Erik: _Enjoy it!_

Javert: _It's your last chance any how!_

Together: _Always look on the bright side of death! _

(Whistle)

_Just before you draw your terminal breath!_

(Whistle)

Erik: _For Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it._

Javert: _Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true._

Together: _You'll see it's all a show._

Erik: _Keep 'em laughing as you go!_

Javert: (Pointing to Erik) _Just remember that the last laugh is on you!_

(All of a sudden, a group of dancers walk out on stage.)

Erik: (whispering to Javert) Did you know about this?

Javert: (Responding back) No, did you?

Erik: Nope. Might as well go with it.

Together with dancers: _Always look on the bright side of life!_

(Whistle)

_Always look on the bright side of life!_

(Whistle)

(The dancers begin to do an elaborate tap dance. Erik and Javert join in and soon they form a chorus line.)

Everyone: _Always look on the bright side of life!_

(A little tap break)

_Always look on the bright side of life!_

(A little tap break)

_Always look on the bright side of life!_

(Whistle)

_Always look on the bright side of life!_

Only Erik and Javert: _Life is quite absurd._

_And deaths the final word,_

_You must always face the curtain with a bow._

Erik: _Forget about your sin! Give the audience a grin!_

Javert: _Enjoy it! It's your last chance anyhow!_

Everyone: _Always look on the bright side of life!_

(Whistle)

_Always look on the bright…_

_Side of life!_

_Side of life!_

_Side of life!_

(End)

Backstage again:

Javert: Well, after that, we won't be able to keep our tough guy reputations huh?

Erik: I wouldn't be so sure…

Javert: What do you mean? Thenardier was taping it and he plans to distribute it on the internet! I'll lose all my fan girls! And so will you!

Erik: That's been attempted before. (A/N: For full details on what I mean, please read Opera Cloak's _The Price of Fame_.) But this time, I made sure no repercussions will come of this.

Javert: What did you do?

(Erik pushes a curtain aside. Hanging from nooses, is all the main characters of Les Mis.)

Javert: (Shocked at he sees) You psychotic, homicidal bastard! You ruined my musical!

Erik: (Casually) Well, after 18 years, it's grown a little stale.

Javert: (Still shocked) But… but, that was my cast!

Erik: (Walking away) Branch out on your own. (Slinging a noose over his shoulder) Meanwhile, I have to go take care of a certain Viscomte. (As Erik walks away, he is whistling _Always Look on the Bright Side of Life_, as Javert falls to his knees in front of his dead cast mates)

Fin.

A/N: Like it? Little grim and weird. Tell me if you like it. I have other ideas similar to this. I remain your obedient show-monkey. – JG (my real initials. Could give you some clue to my real name, but for now, I use it in a parody of the signature OG.)


End file.
